


Okay Again

by JessicaHearts



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Breakfast in Bed, Fluff, M/M, just a short one shot, they are slowly getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 22:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2042421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessicaHearts/pseuds/JessicaHearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve and Bucky spend a lazy morning together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Okay Again

**Author's Note:**

> First work I'm loading up so yay :D I've actually written this ages ago but was too shy to publish it...  
> Also english is not my first language, but I really tried my best :)

Sunlight was streaming into the room, it was a bright morning and Steve slowly opened his eyes, feeling something was wrong, something was missing, but forcing himself to stay calm. He can’t be gone, Steve told himself. Why should he leave now? Then another horrible thought hit him.

Slowly he extended his arm until his fingers curled around Bucky’s arm, his real arm, and around his wrist, carefully checking his pulse. A sigh of relief escaped him when he felt how sure and steady it was.

He pulled his hand away and started to comb his fingers through Bucky’s long, unruly hair. Bucky gave a long, shuddering sigh before he stirred and shuffled even closer to Steve, snuggling into his chest. Steve couldn’t help the smile that was tugging on his mouth as he pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead.

Bucky sniffled slightly and buried his face in Steve’s neck. He could feel his breath, going deep and steady, just like it was supposed to be and a rush of happiness surged through him.

Bucky hadn’t slept that well for a long time.

When Bucky had arrived at Steve’s, dirty and tired and positively terrified, he hadn’t slept through a single night. Every night he would wake up screaming, kicking around and breathing heavily. And he wouldn’t calm down for the rest of the night. Steve was happy to get two or three hours of sleep before Bucky’s nightmares would wake both of them.

But it was the third night in row Bucky had slept through. The first time he had slept through a night, the first time the sun had woken Steve instead of Bucky’s hysterical screams, he had been terrified. He had thought that Bucky might have left, that he couldn’t stand Steve’s company anymore. That maybe he hadn’t even been there in the first place. That it all had been just a cruel dream.

But he had still been there, lying right next to him, sleeping peacefully.

And he was still here this morning, lying in Steve’s arms and sleeping soundly. And Steve couldn’t be happier – considering everything.

It had taken such a long time to get to where they were now. Weeks of distrust and awkward silences. Weeks of Bucky screaming at him, hitting his chest, and crying desperate tears, puking with Steve holding his hair back when the flashbacks had overwhelmed him. And now they were here. Bucky had slept through the whole night once again.

But Steve still had to check every time if he was there and alive. He couldn’t just not do it; the fear was too strong, the fear of losing him again.

Absolutely content and also unable to get up because Bucky was laying half on top of him Steve decided to try and rest for another few minutes. He closed his eyes and put his arm around Bucky’s waist.

When Steve woke the next time it was to Bucky’s breath on his face and his hair tickling his nose. Steve startled and pulled back only to see a deep frown appear on Bucky’s face. He instantly regretted it. He didn’t want to make feel Bucky bad about – anything, really.

“Hey,” he whispered and slowly raised his hand to Bucky’s face, slowly enough to give Bucky enough time to pull back if he wanted to. When he didn’t, he lightly stroked his cheek. The stubble there was soft and Steve smiled.

Bucky’s face stayed impassive but he leaned into the touch, Steve could feel it, even if it was hardly noticeable.

“You slept,” Steve said and Bucky nodded thoughtfully.

“I did,” he whispered. He sounded mildly concerned, as if he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. As if he wasn’t sure that was even a thing he should do. He wasn’t used to sleeping, Steve knew that.

Hydra had done a good job on denying Bucky all the basic needs a human had. They had made him into a machine, which didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, which came to think that he didn’t even need those things. He needed to complete the mission, that was the only thing he knew, the only thing that mattered.

“I’m glad,” Steve replied and then flopped back down onto his pillow. He saw Bucky twitch at the sudden movement. “Do you want to get up? Because I’m telling you, I could just as well spend the day in bed.”

Bucky crinkled his forehead. Making decisions wasn’t really his favorite thing to do. Steve knew that was because he was never asked what he wanted to do, his opinion wasn’t worth anything, and Steve tried not to think about that too much because if he did, he felt he was going to be sick.

Or maybe angry enough to go on a killing spree.

“I could make breakfast and we could just eat here,” Steve offered. “Or we could get dressed and eat in the kitchen. Or we could go eat out. And then we could do whatever. Maybe explore the internet a bit more?”

Bucky loved the Internet almost as much as Steve did. Contrary to Steve though, he didn’t have problems with computers or cell phones or other technical stuff Steve didn’t understand yet. But the Internet was incredibly helpful when you were missing roughly seventy years, like Steve did. Sometimes they would just sit on the couch for hours, the laptop in front of them and taking all the information in they could find.

“But…” Bucky started hesitantly. He was still so unsure about talking for himself, so self-conscious. Steve hated to see him like that, but he didn’t interrupt. “We could… also stay in bed and explore the Internet, right?”

Steve smiled because even though Bucky hadn’t specifically stated what he wanted, he had at least implied what he would prefer. And that was a good start.

“Of course we could do that,” Steve said and stroked his hand through Bucky’s hair again. He was being stupidly affectionate but he couldn’t help it. He was just so happy that Bucky was at least a bit better.

“I think I would like that,” Bucky offered and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, okay, I can go and make breakfast then. And maybe… do you perhaps want to shave? You haven’t for some days now and I just thought…” Steve shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe you’d be more comfortable.”

Bucky seemed to consider this. His forehead was wrinkled and he chewed on his lower lip. He tentatively put his hand to his cheek to feel the stubble.

“I don’t know,” he frowned. “I think I might shave.”

Steve nodded and sat up with a groan. He could see Bucky’s mouth flexing as if he wanted to smile and he laughed lightly. “What? I’m feeling the years, even though I don’t look them, okay?”

That actually put a smile on Bucky’s face. A small, almost sad smile but a smile nonetheless and Steve was delighted to have been the one to cause it.

Without a second thought Steve leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s forehead. And Bucky froze, keeping completely still. When Steve pulled away he opened his eyes.

Steve cracked a smile at Bucky’s confused face and placed a kiss on his nose too, he just couldn’t help himself. “I’m making breakfast. Your favorite, okay?,” he promised then and finally got up. Bucky nodded slowly and Steve stretched and walked into the kitchen.

Bucky’s favorite had always been pancakes. There was a time when Bucky had sworn that pancakes could make everything better. Whatever might happen, pancakes would make it better. Sadly Steve was aware that wasn’t true and simply serving Bucky pancakes could only put a small smile on a face that wasn’t used to smiling at all anymore.

Steve prepared the pancakes and made coffee for both of them. Back in their days they didn’t use to drink coffee at all. They both didn’t really like the taste. Of course it hadn’t been real coffee like the one you could buy basically anywhere nowadays. And today you also had all these things Steve and Bucky’s time had a shortage on, like sugar and milk, and they found they rather enjoyed it.

Steve put everything on a small tray and brought it into his bedroom. He straightened the curtains, so that not all of the much too bright sunlight would fall directly onto them and then decided to go check on Bucky.

Because Bucky alone in the bathroom with razor blades had to be checked on.

The first few times, when Steve had asked Bucky if maybe he wanted to shave and Bucky had answered that he supposed he could do so, Steve had shaven Bucky himself. Because, even though Steve was sure that Bucky could do many awful things with such small razor blades, he couldn’t shave himself to save his life. He had cut himself all the time and then had cursed lowly in Russian until Steve had offered to do it for him and show him how it was done.

When Steve came into the bathroom Bucky was actually already done, standing in front of the mirror and stroking his clean-shaven cheeks with a look of slight wonder on his face. Apparently he had also brushed his teeth, Steve could see fresh stains from the toothpaste on Bucky’s shirt.

“Breakfast is ready,” Steve said quietly as to not to startle Bucky. He still whipped around to him, his face set in stone and the razor held out in front of him.

“Whoa, whoa, slow down.” Steve smiled kindly and took a step forward even though Bucky was still eyeing him kind of suspiciously. But by now Steve was used to this kind of reaction. And if there was one thing about Bucky he was absolutely sure of, it was that he would never, ever hurt him.

He knew that thinking like that was naïve, Natasha and all the others had told him so, but Steve didn’t care. What the Winter Soldier did didn’t matter anymore since the man in front of him wasn’t the Winter Soldier. At least not completely. Not anymore.

“Give me that, yeah?” Steve said and gently wrestled the razor out of Bucky’s fingers. He put it on the sink again and then took another step forward, Bucky’s hand still lying limply in his. He pulled him close by that hand and then wrapped his arms about Bucky’s tense shoulders.

Slowly Bucky started to relax in his arms and even clung to him for a second before he tried to pull away. Steve let him.

“Breakfast is ready in the bedroom. You can go and eat if you want to, but I really need to brush my teeth, okay?”

Contrary to popular belief even super soldiers like Captain America could get morning breath. (“Can’t be.” –“I’m telling you, Tony. Why do we even argue about this?” – “You’re Captain America, you are far too pure to get something dirty like morning breath.”)

“I can wait?” It was meant to be a suggestion, but it sounded really much more like an unsure question. Still, Steve was happy that Bucky could even try to suggest something on his own.

He was unbelievably gleeful that Bucky was now doing so much better than when he had first arrived at his flat.

So Steve tried to keep the creepy, big grin down and told Bucky that he could stay if he wanted to, why not? And Bucky sat down on the edge of the bathtub and watched Steve as he brushed his teeth.

His eyes were alert and wary and he still looked ready to fight. Steve watched Bucky through the mirror as Bucky watched him.

They went back into the bedroom together, Bucky walking behind Steve because he didn’t like to be in the front. Steve assumed that was because that way it would be more difficult to escape in case something was happening.

They settled back on the bed and Steve handed Bucky a plate and a fork and a knife. Bucky took it and began eating quietly. Steve watched him for a few seconds, watched him take tentative bites as if to test if the pancakes were poisoned or something.

Then he looked asquint up at Steve and Steve could feel himself blush as he quickly averted his eyes to his own plate.

“I … also have coffee for you,” Steve said and he definitely saw Bucky’s eyes twinkle at that.

They ate in peace, drank their coffee quietly and then Steve brought his laptop, placing it in front of the both of them and then let Bucky take charge. He was surprised for a split second to see Bucky starting to type without asking for permission first, but he was also glad he didn’t ask again.

It didn’t take long for them to end up lying down side by side, the laptop on Bucky’s thighs and his head resting in the crook of Steve’s neck. He could smell the shampoo Bucky had used yesterday and rested his head against his hair.

After sometime, when Steve noticed that Bucky had been looking at a Wikipedia article on the Vietnam War for more than ten minutes without scrolling down, he asked if Bucky wanted to watch a movie and Bucky, who obviously was already half asleep again fumbled for the blankets and nodded.

Steve carefully got up and pulled the blankets up for Bucky who pulled them over his shoulder and sighed contently.

Steve loved it when he was sleepy and tired. Because then Bucky was hardly thinking about what he was doing and saying. Quite contrary to what he was usually like, he would seek Steve’s closeness, complete and utter trust in his eyes, and would snuggle against him without a second thought.

When he was like that he was more like the Bucky Steve had know more than seventy years ago than ever.

Deciding on a movie to watch wasn’t difficult. Steve simply chose Lord of the Rings because they had already watched it and Bucky had really enjoyed it. Even if he hadn’t really had the words to say so. Even if he didn’t remember when he and Steve used to read The Hobbit, back in their own time, late at night, before the war had hit America.

When Steve lay down on the bed again, Bucky immediately pulled him closer and rested his head on his chest. Steve smiled and put an arm around him, bringing his hand up again to stroke Bucky’s hair as the movie started.

Halfway through the movie, when Steve had thought that Bucky had fallen asleep again, he suddenly moved a bit to press his nose into Steve’s neck. Steve’s hand in Bucky’s hair stilled.

“I think they might need a cut again, don’t you think?” Bucky whispered into Steve’s skin, just a tad unsure, but mostly tired and Steve smiled softly.

“Whatever you want.”

Then Bucky was silent again and Steve allowed himself to close his eyes and continue combing through Bucky’s hair. It was the third night Bucky had slept through and Bucky had just asked for something without needing to be prompted to.

Bucky was here and he was evidently getting better, he was making progress, slowly, but steadily and Steve felt his heart warm and flutter excitedly at the thought of that. He leaned down and pressed a kiss into Bucky’s hair.

He was sure everything was going to be okay again.

 

Fin


End file.
